I know there are a lot of trends out there these days, and frankly I’ve got no idea what they are. I just kind of do my own thing. I’m currently into bluegrass. And I’m Black. But that’s a different article.
There was a time when cable parties were unnecessary, when a simple movie night would suffice. Those times have passed as of late, and these days people seek out friends with cable with as much gusto as a friend with a pick-up truck. While a pick-up truck can help you get that loveseat from the corner of Broadway and 40th to an apartment, cable-friend can then bathe that loveseat in the calming glow of Comcast.
Not to be ignored, U-Verse, though you spring from a phone line, you still offer a vast and varied array of entertainment, even though your movie selection is never free.
I’m not really sure when TiVo died, but I’m pretty glad it spawned the awesomeness of recordable and On-Demand television. Now friends can all gather around that cable-friend’s hooked-up TV once a month and watch the last five episodes of Community and Parks and Rec together. And they can pretend to have a little community of their own, staving off that pesky suspicion they might really just be moochers.
Real cable parties feature food. Not my food. I don’t cook. But cable-friend should be gracious enough to provide a varied array of vegetarian, vegan and otherwise delicious snack foods. Each night should also have a theme, decided via text-message about fifteen minutes before everyone shows up.
Cable parties also involve Machiavellian play for the remote, and when cable-friend goes into the kitchen to check on her spinach puff-pastries, guests must then quickly fill up her DVR’s recording cue with whatever programming eats up the most space: Barca FC soccer games, Behind-the-Scenes of Game of Thrones, and old Dr. Who episodes that are easily accessible in the On Demand menu. Recordings currently scheduled can be booted to accommodate new selections. If porn is an option, buy it.
Maybe it’s the lack of attention span that’s brought us beyond what satisfaction a simple movie can provide. Or maybe it’s because we like regularly scheduled breaks in action so we can hit the bathroom and riffle through a medicine cabinet. Either way, cable parties are here to stay. Move your feet, lose your seat!
Cable parties: That’s what’s up.