Half a Heart

I’ve actually been remembering my dreams a bit lately, which is quite odd for me. I would love to remember them, i figure they’d be great starting points for stories, but it’s just one thing I’ve come to accept. No dream journal’s going to help me, books about dreams.

But for those dreams I do occasionally remember, there’s a theme. I almost always dream about California, specifically, Santa Rosa, and I dream about my family. Now, it could be I only remember the dreams with these aspects in them because they’re the things that I love the most. It could also be because I generally have to choose one or the other so the half-happy/half-sad duality, that gross feeling sort of like nostalgia that hangs over when I wake up forces me to remember what I was dreaming about. I don’t know.  But my brain always brings the two together.  I’m in Santa Rosa and my family is there as well. It’s something that would never happen in real life, but it would be amazing if it did. California is an amazing place; there’s so much less pressure to be or seem a certain way, like to conform, but it’s major drawback is that it’s 3000 miles away from the sun to my solar system.

I always see myself as an orbiting planet. My mom and dad are the sun, and I will circle in close for a little while, then get flung far off on an adventure for a long time, then swing back in for a short amount of time before zipping off again. Actually, I guess that makes me more like a comet. I’m a comet. Anyway, I’m in the short close-to-the-sun part of my orbit right now and it feels all warm and cozy, my family’s all over here on the east coast, but I miss the West. I hate having to choose one or the other because no matter what I do I am always stuck with half a heart.

Adventuring has always been a love of mine, that way I get neither NoCal nor parents so neither one gets jealous, but eventually I want to go somewhere or to someone I love to have a rest.  And when I’m adventuring, my brain creates a comfy place in Sonoma County every night, where I can visit my folks and my sister at will. A little east coast convenience in my west coast oasis. Aah.  That’s nice. It’s not just a dream if you believe in it hard enough, right?

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About ckstackhouse

Author of suspense books, creative consultant, blogger on culture and publishing. www.stackhousebooks.com
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One Response to Half a Heart

  1. becklist says:

    Whoa. I loved this. You being a comet or an orbiting planet. I want the baby to turn out like you. I have no point of reference on parenting because of how I grew up but this really fills in a blank for me about how it should feel to have a parent. I dig it. You say some good shit.

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